Dear Bono,
I realized today that it's been four years since I've had to worry about dressing myself every day. As a resident in a surgical specialty, most days I wear scrubs to work. Because I get home at 8pm, I usually just put on sweats or even my pajamas right away. It makes my laundry pile not too bad, but has the downside of making it difficult to assess when I have started putting on weight. I have to "dress up" twice a week for clinic. This means something like business/business casual. I usually wear a skirt and sweater, or slacks and a blouse or something like that. I can do this fine one day a week. It's that second day that kills me. I stare at my closet and look at the many options for clothes, and finally, in a huff, pick something that I most likely wore one week prior.
I actually used to love to pick out my clothes. There was a time where I was complimented on my fashion. Once, after having only met this woman someone six hours prior, we were shopping and I picked out a dress and she turned to me and said "that's so you." I definitely had my own style. (This was after the grunge-baggy pants/hiking boots/flannel phase that I wore back in 1993).
My clothes for work are now more of a uniform. It's not really stuff I'd choose for myself, nor do I wear it when I actually go out. It's stuff that fits the uniform: nice-ish, not too flashy, and would survive if it got urine on it. When I do go out though, I look through all my unworn clothing. What will I wear today?! So many options. I end up trying on multiple outfits, and then get frustrated that most of it is several seasons old by now (though looks brand new, because it rarely gets worn). I also feel like my sense of style has lost some of its purpose. But then I go shopping, and I realize, I am spending money on something that I won't really wear that much, and I stop.
I just can't remember how I used to be able to pick out clothes to wear every single day of my life.
Sincerely,
JP
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