The IT Crowd

Dear Bono,

Yesterday, they started this new computer tracking system in the operating room.  It's supposed to be more efficient, or something, but of course any new changes take longer at the beginning.  I had a patient that was supposed to come in for an elective procedure.  He came in on time, but nothing else was on time.  I explained that we were behind due to this new computer program, and he simply said "I work in IT.  You don't have to say anything else."  He waited patiently for his procedure.

I love when people don't get angry about waits.

Sincerely,
JP

New York, London and Berlin

Dear Bono,

I just love to travel.  I just love it.  I love to see new places, try different food, smell the different flavors of the air.  Right now I'm planning a trip to Maine and Prince Edward Island, and trying to figure out how to get to London before the Colin Firth as wet Darcy sculpture is taken down.  I'm planning weekend trips to the quaint towns on the bay, to the big cities of the East Coast, to a wedding in the southwest, all while only having 2 weekends a month off.  Is there a way I could just travel all the time?

Sincerely,
JP

Feels like butter

Dear Bono,

I also have been thinking of myself, lately.  I'm a selfish person.  I feel like I've been so busy with everything lately, that I can't get everything done . In fact, I feel like I am not getting anything done.  Like there's too much but nowhere to start because I don't know where to attack.  I often have felt like in Lord of the Rings where Bilbo says he feels "like butter scraped over too much bread."  The dark rings below my formerly bright green eyes also betray my exhaustion and frustration.

Any recommendations?

Sincerely,

JP

Roadies

Dear Bono,

I prefer my rock stars to look like rock stars and not roadies.  Suffice it to say, I just came from a concert where this was not true.  While the music was good, I felt like the show could have had more to it.  Where's the art?  Where's the costuming?  Where are the moves?

Sincerely,

JP

summer rain

Dear Bono,

Today was one of those days where I didn't have to work.  It happens about 4 days a month, and I try to take advantage of them.  We went to the city.  We walked around the museum, even seeing a silent Hitchcock accompanied by a live 5 piece orchestra at the museum of art.  Then a beautiful walk, threatened by a summer storm.  We took refuge at a restaurant, but ended up in the rain anyway.  There's something about the summer rain-washing the heat out of the air.  Sadly, my curly hair doesn't appreciate it.

Sincerely,
JP

Popcorn and Cracker Jacks

Dear Bono,

Today I left work and walked to the baseball game.  I love our baseball stadium.  It's a pioneer of the new style stadium-one that hearkens back to the old stadiums.  The weather was perfect for it.  I find baseball much more enjoyable when I'm outside, watching in nice weather.  That way I can look around, and people watch.  There's something about a baseball game that makes my other worries melt away.  Plus, I can buy soft serve ice cream in a collectible miniature batter's helmet.

Do you enjoy baseball?

Sincerely,
JP

Pioneer Day

Dear Bono,

Yesterday was Pioneer Day!  Huzzah!  It is the day we celebrated the Mormon Pioneers entering into the Salt Lake valley back in 1847.  I grew up there, and it basically was like the second 4th of July: parade, fireworks, burgers.  It was great.  Now that I am 2000 miles away, I miss it all the more.  Especially since I was working.  I always get mad at the Utahns who are just living it up on July 24th while I am working.

Time to move back to Utah.

Sincerely,

JP

WWCS

Dear Bono,

I am not sure how much Bravo you were watching in 2003, but one of my favorite all time TV shows debuted 10 years ago (though probably not 10 years ago to the day, but I don't actually know when it started, except that it was the summer of 2003, when I was in Washington DC doing an internship with the Department of Health and Human Services.)

The show I'm referring to is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  It was the all time best reality show.  This is because it was a) a great makeover show, b) hilarious, and c) had talented people working on it.  Who were hilarious.

One of my favorite lines was when Carson Kressley said that the only people that should wear red shoes were children and hookers from Trenton.  On my last train ride to NYC I had both seats to myself.  I had my shoes kicked up as I was working on a presentation for work when I noticed the below.

Bono, what are your shoe fashion no-nos?

Sincerely,

JP

post accidentally posted to another of my blogs, meant for 7/22

Dear Bono,

I do not feel well.

Sincerely,

JP

Frustration

Dear Bono,

Have you ever felt like you can't get anything done?  But that your list of things that need to get done just keeps growing and growing?

I am currently looking at the amount of surgeries I have to get done for my patients, and I admit: I am frustrated.  I have no idea when I'm going to get to all of them.  Yet for some reason, I can't get anyone on my schedule.  Everyone either needs a CT scan, which takes time to get done, or an MRI, which is broken until who knows when, or needs cardiology clearance, etc.  I know you don't face these challenges, but surely, my frustration is not unheard of?

Sincerely, JP

Hot

Dear Bono,

It has just been too hot here to do much of all.  I go to work for 13+ hours a day, where I am kept artificially cold by super powered air conditioners that must use far too much energy to cool the outdated, energy inefficient hospital.  I then leave, relish the warmth while I walk to my air conditioned car, drive to my air conditioned house, and then proceed to sit under the fan and AC.  I have attempted to go outside to do something.  A walk, a run.  Something.  It is too hot.  Looking forward to October.

Sincerely,

JP

Retro

Dear Bono,

Have you ever noticed how things are cyclical?  Fashion and music particularly stand out to me.  What was "in" to wear when I was a kid is now all the rage again.  Though now that I think about it, the term all the rage is probably not all the rage.  The saying goes, though, that if someone wore the fashion once before, s/he should not wear the fashion again.  I sort of agree.  Though I have had some fun with fluorescents again.
Music also is the same way.  The music trend is to go back to one's roots.  To explore the older sounds and then try a new twist.  Actually, this trend lasts in other areas.  I think of children's toys-the toys I once played with as a child are now back, presumably since consumers will pay money for their children to play with things they remember from their own childhood.  It makes sense.  Sentiment sells.

I just hope we avoid grunge again.  Thanks for not ever doing that the first time.


Sincerely,

JP

A post for 7/18... and why not, today too

Dear Bono,

Wow, I realized I am not great at writing to you daily.  Less than a week and I completely missed more days!  Oops!  I guess my experiment may not work out.

Yesterday, I got home from work around 7:30pm, found out at 8:30pm my surgery I was supposed to perform at another hospital today was moved from afternoon to the morning, which conflicted with my nine clinic patients I was supposed to see my usual hospital this morning.  Of course, I have no secretary to call my patients for me to tell them I had to reschedule, and of course, I don't have online access to the VA system at home, so I went back to work at 8:30pm.  I called patients from my arrival back at work at 9 (yes, I live 30 minutes away) until 10:30pm, and arrived home at 11pm.  I had to reschedule them to be seen on my down time, or add them to already overpacked schedules.  I then woke up in time for work at 7am.  And then it was time for surgery!  No wait, false alarm... we had to wait for an hour and a half for anesthesia to be ready.  But FINALLY, it was time for surgery.  And then my attending (boss) did all the case while I did none.

Was it worth it?

No.

Welcome to residency.

Bono, can you even begin to relate?  Ever?  Any experience?  Maybe you were supposed to open for a band back in your youth and then got shoved out of the lineup at the last minute?

Sincerely,
JP

Dessert side

Dear Bono,

I have always had a sweet tooth.  It goes back to childhood, when I was a very picky eater.  I, as many other have done before me, would have to eat a certain number of bites of dinner prior to getting dessert.  I would try to argue that I was full of dinner and therefore didn't need to eat any more casserole/peas/beans/etc.  Of course, this can backfire when someone, say, a parent, points out that if one is full, one has no room for dessert.  Ah, but my parents could not outwit me.  I pointed out that my stomach had two sides, and obviously my dinner side was full, but my dessert side was not.

This doesn't go over well for young adult women.  I have long been the high end of "normal" weight, which is unacceptable in society.  Of course, this prompted me to take great offense when someone pointed out that I had a "sugar tooth" during medical school.  But it's true. I do.  I could eat chocolate all day.  Actually, I couldn't.  I could when I was a kid.  Now it gives me reflux.

Sincerely,
JP

Tired

Dear Bono,

I am tired.  I threatened my husband that he had a 90% chance that one day soon, he'd come home from work and I'd be sitting on the couch.  And he would ask me how my day went and I would tell him I had quit.

It might happen.

Do you ever feel that way?  My guess is not because your job is a lot better than mine.

Sincerely,

JP

Dinner party

Dear Bono,

I am not a dinner party kind of gal.  There are people who are (i.e. Martha Stewart) and then those who aren't.  I fall in the latter category.  I'm ok with it.  My sister is in the former category.  She throws together fun themed things, and everything is cute and turns out well, and they all say she's adorable, etc.  I just kind of struggle.  So I don't have dinner parties.  Solves that problem.  Pinterest has made it all worse, by the way.

There was a girl in my church group who I saw a lot of myself in.  She is about to start medical school, and has the same optimism and high hopes about school, and healing people, and public health, and everything I had.  I wanted to spend more time with her.  We first talked several months ago, but I was busy, and just kept thinking I should have her and her husband over.  Finally, I invited them.  And they came!  And they're moving.  Tomorrow.

Bono, I wanted to say so much to this woman who is 8 years behind me in life.  I wanted to tell her the hopes and fears that await her in medicine.  To tell her that it is hard.  Harder than anything she has ever done.  So hard that most days she will feel like she cannot possibly do another day.  So hard that some moments, she will feel like she just has to turn around and walk out of the hospital and never look back.  But that on some days... albeit rarely... it will feel worth it.

Almost.

How do you say all that to someone who is moving away to start out?

Sincerely,

JP

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain

Dear Bono,

I realized today that it's been four years since I've had to worry about dressing myself every day.  As a resident in a surgical specialty, most days I wear scrubs to work.  Because I get home at 8pm, I usually just put on sweats or even my pajamas right away.  It makes my laundry pile not too bad, but has the downside of making it difficult to assess when I have started putting on weight.  I have to "dress up" twice a week for clinic.  This means something like business/business casual.  I usually wear a skirt and sweater, or slacks and a blouse or something like that.  I can do this fine one day a week.  It's that second day that kills me.  I stare at my closet and look at the many options for clothes, and finally, in a huff, pick something that I most likely wore one week prior.

I actually used to love to pick out my clothes.  There was a time where I was complimented on my fashion.  Once, after having only met this woman someone six hours prior, we were shopping and I picked out a dress and she turned to me and said "that's so you."  I definitely had my own style.  (This was after the grunge-baggy pants/hiking boots/flannel phase that I wore back in 1993).

My clothes for work are now more of a uniform.  It's not really stuff I'd choose for myself, nor do I wear it when I actually go out.  It's stuff that fits the uniform: nice-ish, not too flashy, and would survive if it got urine on it.  When I do go out though, I look through all my unworn clothing.  What will I wear today?!  So many options.  I end up trying on multiple outfits, and then get frustrated that most of it is several seasons old by now (though looks brand new, because it rarely gets worn).  I also feel like my sense of style has lost some of its purpose.  But then I go shopping, and I realize, I am spending money on something that I won't really wear that much, and I stop.

I just can't remember how I used to be able to pick out clothes to wear every single day of my life.

Sincerely,
JP

007

Dear Bono,

I finally got around to watching Skyfall.  I started it last night.  I got until he got to Shanghai and then fell asleep.  I usually fall asleep in movies.  Working 80ish hours a week does that to a person.  Sometimes I feel like I will never catch up on sleep.  I can sleep anywhere, anytime.  I read an article about Hillary Clinton once that mentioned she also has this same gift.  I could really relate to that.  I pictured us getting along really well.  I actually thought it could be great if, once she stepped down as Secretary of State, we could just hang out at my house and watch Downton Abbey.  I mean, who wouldn't love that life?  Except now Downton Abbey jumped the shark.

We should probably just watch Sherlock instead.  Are you listening Hillary?  Bono, make this happen.

Sincerely,

JP

A post for July 12

Dear Bono,

Somehow I missed my post yesterday.  I chalk it up to my poor habit formation.  I had heard before that it takes 30 days to form a habit.  Well, I made it a third of that.  Isn't that good enough?

July 12 was an average Friday for the VA urology chief resident.  I saw several patients with various surgical problems.  Then, I tried to do some of my secretarial work and book others for surgery, return phone calls, etc.  I briefly looked into planning my vacation for this fall.  I'm leaning towards Maine.  It should just be lovely with the fall leaves.  Where would you go, if you could go anywhere in the world?  Not that your vision of a vacation matches with mine.  My current bank account is a bit sad.

After work, I went to Wegmans with my husband for a date night.  This grocery store is amazing.  Food from everywhere, fresh fruits and veggies.  Any food you can buy, they can order for you.  Who doesn't love that.

I realized how different our dates are now from when we first started dating 10 years ago.  It used to be more of a 'how much can I impress the other person" sort of thing.  Now it's just a chance to spend time together and not think about work, bills, or our cat.  She's a little high maintenance.

Sincerely,
JP

Raspberries

Dear Bono,

I haven't lived near my family for 9 years.  I've been on another continent for one year, and then the past year I've been two time-zones away.  Usually it's fine.  I get sad about it at Christmas, since I usually don't have enough time off for a visit.  With my work schedule, I generally get 4 days a month off.  That's two weekends.  I'm lucky to get off work by 8pm on Friday night and I have to be back at work by 6:30am Monday.  Not enough time for a quick trip out west: the 4 hour plane ride to see my family tends to eat up most of the day.

Today I talked to my sister as I drove home from work.  She lives near my parents and was talking about the fresh raspberries she was eating that she got from my parents' garden today.  I got jealous.  Raspberries have always been my favorite.  The ones you buy at the grocery store are not the same.  I remember standing out in my parents' garden, picking all the ripe raspberries and eating them between rounds of hide and seek or ghosts in the graveyard (my personal favorite).  I admit, I was very jealous.

It's not just the raspberries.  It's seeing my family, seeing my nieces and nephews, and enjoying the beautiful surroundings there.  True, my geburtsland has some quirks.  I can't get over how conservative it is nor how many people bleach their hair blonde.  Both are unnatural.  But there's something to be said for living near family.

Sincerely,

JP

"We must leave here at once!"

Dear Bono,

It was only a matter of time before this happened.

I was introduced to the BBC Pride and Prejudice slightly late.  In high school, my best friend and I used to spent our Friday nights eating cheese fries and then watching movies at her house.  Usually, we'd watch the Sound of Music.  We'd usually fall asleep at some point after the "Somewhere in my youth" song (a must watch, obviously) and before Rolf blows the whistle.  Eventually, we'd wake up and I'd walk home.  This was after the phase of high school where my friends decided they hated each other and started breaking into small factions.  I got over that drama and wisely decided to spend time with my best friend since 5th grade.

One evening, she casually mentioned the BBC Pride and Prejudice.  Apparently she thought I had seen it.  I had not.  Despite the fact that we never had cable and usually we'd have PBS on in the house, I had missed this Masterpiece Theater.  Additionally, my family didn't have a Costco membership, which is where everyone picked up the 6-tape VHS set.  We therefore decided to forgo Georg Von Trapp for one night, and focus our energies on P&P.  I dozed off during tape 2.  Mr. Collins can be a little dull at times, and I have been known to fall asleep at random times, including in the operating room.  While standing.  The next day, I returned for more P&P.  Then we went to volunteer at the Greek Festival, and then we came back and finished the rest.  And it was amazing.  Somehow I talked my mom into buying the tapes from someone who had a Costco membership, and I could watch it at home.

Over time, I have had viewing parties with my friends, college roommates, and even, finally, my husband.  Jane Austen is a genius.  This version is the most true to the book.  In fact, I took Advanced Placement English Lit during high school.  At the end of the year, we take a test that is graded 1-5, with 5 high.  A passing score is 3 or more.  There are a bunch of multiple choice questions about prose and diction and whatever, then a couple of essays featuring prompts related excerpts from works that are provided.  But the main event is the essay based on only a short prompt.  The writer has to take any previous work he/she has read, and use it to answer the essay.  I remember my teacher telling us that no matter what the question was, she would use Huckleberry Finn, because she knew that book better than anything else.  I went to take my test.  The question is below (thanks Google for finding the exact question from 13 years ago):

"Many works of literature not readily identified with the mystery or detective story genre nonetheless involve the investigation of a mystery.  In these works, the solution to the mystery may be less important than the knowledge gained in the process of its investigation.  Choose a novel or play in which one or more of the characters confront a mystery.  Then write an essay in which you identify the mystery and explain how the investigation illuminates the meaning of the work as a whole.  Do not merely summarize the plot."

As I read that question, I realized I was in trouble.  I could not think of a single book I had read.  EVER.  Thankfully, my dutiful P&P VHS watching got me through.  And thankfully, the movie is so very faithful to the book, that my movie knowledge got me through the essay.  I wrote about how Wickham is a mysterious character, and later we find out he's a bad guy.  Etc, etc.  And I got a 5.  Phew.  I might not have done so well if someone less attractive than Colin Firth had been cast as Mr. Darcy.

Bono, do you have any thoughts about Jane Austen?  I really do think she is an excellent writer and has good social commentary.

Sincerely,
JP

OB/GYN

Dear Bono,

Today I had dinner with three of my future cohorts: young, female pediatric urologists.  It was fantastic, and exactly what I needed after the past pediatric urology match drama.

More importantly, however, today I taught my medical students about OB/GYN.  I have two female medical students on my service.  Since last week was New Year's Day, they are just barely starting out on their clinical rotations.  You see, the way medical school works here in America is that there are two years of basically lecture, small group, with maybe one afternoon a week mixed in where you go "see patients" and learn how to do a history and physical exam.  Then you realize at the end of your second year that you really didn't learn anything applicable to patient care in the first two years, but it doesn't matter because you're back to studying the Krebs cycle for your boards, which all of a sudden you have to take in June after your second year and which will determine whether or not you'll be able to get into the specialty you want.  This is stressful.  Anyway, since my students know nothing about any of the other clinical rotations, they're not really sure of what they want to do with their lives.  You see, here students spend anywhere from 1 week to 1 month on any given service, and that time frame is apparently enough for you to know whether or not that is the job you want for the next 35 years.  Also, remember that these rotations are in an academic setting and most physicians don't actually practice in an academic setting.  But hey, as long as you thought that one week  you did back in September of your 3rd year of medical school seemed pretty good, why not go with it?

I think this is a stupid system.  It's also a system where plenty of residents (what the trainees are called after medical school) realize they made a terrible mistake and need to change career, thus wasting their time, and creating an open spot that they are leaving, which makes the program either try to find someone for that spot, or else just have to figure out who will cover that spot.  It's a problem.  Perhaps if people actually were able to have more experience in what they think they might to do prior to actually deciding....

My advice to students is therefore not really "pick something you love."  Maybe part of that is because I didn't actually "love" anything during my 3rd year.  My advice to students is to pick something where they fit in with the people who go into it.  I went into urology partly because I love to operate, and partly because they seemed laid back and like they wanted to have lives outside of work.  And so far, it's worked out ok.*

The other thing I warn new students about is to watch out for OB/GYN.  For some reason, it is universally thought of as the worst rotation.  Delivering babies was ok (horrific, but ok).  Performing gyn surgeries was fine.  But that rotation was horrible.  I think it's because the residents are just horrible people.  Sure they work crazy hours, but it's no worse than those of the general surgery residents.  And general surgery residents are funny.  They can be jerks, but they're at least funny about it.  OB/GYN residents though... They are just horrible.  Mean.  It's like a mean sorority where all the members are also in junior high.  Backstabbing, eye-rolling, the works.  But hey, if you fit in with that, that may be the job for you.

*Aside from recent pediatric urology match drama

Bono, if you went to medical school, what kind of doctor do you think you would be?

Sincerely,
JP

Offensive words used to describe men

Dear Bono,

Have you noticed that there's no shortage of offensive words that can be used to describe men?  Yet there's only a couple for women.  I'm not really going to elaborate, but I think that it's time society got past its gender bias in offensive words and just refer to everyone with a variety of offensive words.  No gender specificity needed.

Anyway.  I am only 355 days away from graduating from my residency.  That means there's about 1467 days behind me, give or take a leap year.  I don't know if I can do it.  My attending (the surgeons in charge) today is just such a huge *insert non gender specific offensive word here*.  I don't know if I can take it anymore.  I'm looking for backup career options.   Here is my list so far:

Park ranger
Diplomat wife


Ok, it needs some help.  Any ideas?

Sincerely,
JP

Buddy

Dear Bono,

Today is my birthday.  To echo my thoughts from yesterday, at what age do birthdays become more disappointing than exciting?  Actually, last year I had a great birthday.  My husband and I went to Harper's Ferry with some friends.  We stayed at a local B&B, went tubing, saw a ghost tour, and generally had as good of a time as four people can have in 102 degree weather.

Yesterday, we saw Monsters University.  I loved it.  I love almost all the Pixar movies, and I admit I cry in the majority of them.  This one I did not cry during.  Usually, I think that the crying is an outward manifestation of my other internal conflicts (stress, exhaustion, hunger, for example) rather than something triggered by something truly touching in the movie itself.  Not that Pixar movies aren't touching.  They are.  They have heart.  They have amazing visuals.  But since I have found myself on more than one occasion crying during a particularly sappy greeting card commercial, I have realized there must be something other than great storytelling at work behind my tears.  I didn't cry during Mosters University.

It's not that I am not at a particularly emotional state.  I do have several feelings left over from my lack of matching.  There's even this part in the movie where Mike Wazowski is looking for a buddy on his school trip.  You know, the buddy system-the fool-proof system where if you have a buddy and you get lost, you won't get left behind, because your buddy will let the teacher know you are not around.  Unless, that is, your buddy is also lost.  Anyway, Mike Wazowski couldn't find a buddy.  Apparently he is not that popular and usually gets paired up with the teacher (sidenote: this would make him least likely to get left behind, ESPECIALLY because the teacher is the most likely person to not get lost.)  And this really spoke to me.  Not because I never found a buddy when I was young.  Finding friends in elementary school never really eluded me.  That came later in high school, when all my friends took turns hating each other with me in the middle not knowing which side to turn to.  This resulted me in staying up late at night lying face down on my bed and listening to Art Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" on repeat.  My mom could sympathize.  I think she did the same thing in her younger days.  The music from the early 70s was much better at expressing my teenage angst than that of the late 90s.  For some reason "Tearin' Up My Heart" didn't really speak to me.  Though my college roommate who also wanted to go to medical school but kept failing tests in chem 105 would turn up Bon Jovi's "It's My Life" really loud.  Apparently that worked for her.  I think it came out after I graduated high school though, and again, was not as deep as the stuff I listened to.  Anyway, high school is drama and annoying.

What got me was how much Mike Wazowski's not finding a partner was like me not finding a match.  I'm the kid at the end who was desperately running around looking for someone... ANYONE... It made me want to go lie face down on my bed and put "Bridge Over Troubled Water" on repeat.  I refrained.  At least the last 15 years of my life since high school I have gained some maturity.

Bono, do you have a go-to song for when you feel like nothing?  Does that even happen to you?  For some reason, I'd imagine not.

Sincerely,

JP

Birthday eve

Dear Bono,
Tomorrow is my birthday.  Birthdays at this age always seem a bit anti-climactic.  I miss the days where I would just ask for a Barbie and then get said Barbie and life would be grand.

Now, it's all work, high hopes, then not much.  And now it's always HOT.  Too hot.  Time for me to move to a cooler climate.

Sincerely,
JP

Truly, truly, truly outrageous!

Dear Bono,

I was talking with my medical students today, and it turns out I am old.  I don't know when it happened.  I guess I've known that it's been a while since I've been "young."  I keep thinking I am perpetually 17, but when I see 17 year olds, I realize that I am not.  And when I hear them speak, I realize I am definitely not.

The grey hair that started in 2009 should have been a clue.  There was one during my intern year.  It stayed as one for months.  That one grey hair, proving that I had been working hard, living through sleepless nights while my patients' lives held in the balance.  By the end of my intern year, that one hair turned into three.  Panic struck.  WHY?  My father was 40 before he started greying, while my mother did not start until her 60s.  Perhaps I was working too hard?  No matter.  Until last year, while working my most challenging schedule yet I had 19 grey hairs.  Time to give up.

I realized I was aging.  I didn't realize I had aged.  Until today.  Today, I knew.  Today, when I was talking to my medical students, telling them about my TV shows I loved as a child: He-Man, She-Ra, Jem.  And they had no idea what I was talking about.  None.  Blank look.  Even the pictures I pulled up online did not help.  This was truly before their time.

Bono, does this ever happen to you?  And in another vein, did you ever feel pressure from Jem and the Holograms?  I realize that Jem's target demographic may have skewed slightly younger than yours, but the young girls LOVED Jem.  Did you think about this while in the studio recording "The Joshua Tree?"  Didn't you realize that your dark lyrics to "Exit" had no power to counteract the neon clothing?

Just wondering.

Sincerely,
JP

4th of July

Dear Bono,

Today is my favorite day of the year.  I love the neighborhood parades, the barbecues, the fireworks.  It is a relaxing holiday, where people can do as much or as little as they like.  No hype and disappointment that people find with Christmas.  No, today is a great day.  The day we celebrate America.  A nation with its ups and downs, good, bad, ugly, and beautiful.  I missed it when I lived in Italy.  While I felt embarrassed on my train ride to Germany, where the Americans were loud, dirty, crude, and drunk while Germans slumbered peacefully in the opposite corner, I am glad to know I come from a land where people were raised to speak their minds.  A land where people dream.  A land with miles and miles of desert and miles and miles of concrete buildings.  A land where different people still struggle to get along.  A land where my ancestors found religious freedom, while later generations found religious oppression.  A land, that despite me spending all but a year of my life on it, I still haven't quite figured out.  America, thank you for continuing to intrigue me.

Sincerely,

JP

Cysto day

Dear Bono,

Today was a Wednesday.  Wednesday means cysto day at the VA Hospital.  For the chief resident (myself), cysto day is code for "sitting at one's desk and doing some work/goofing off/or just disappearing and going to the gym" day.  That's because cystos (cystoscopies) are junior resident level procedures.

But remember, it was New Year's Day just 2 days ago?  So my cysto day involved 8 hours of me teaching my junior resident how to do the procedures, which mainly involved me trying to not grab the cystoscope from her hands shouting "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FIGURE OUT HOW TO LOOK DOWN?  JUST PUT THE SCOPE IN THE BLADDER.  HOW HARD IS THAT?!"

Patients is a virtue.

So is chocolate.

It was a long day.

Sincerely,
JP

"Endurance and persistence will be rewarded"

Dear Bono,

It had been 8 days since June 24th.  Usually, I don't center my life around the events of a certain date.  I can't, for example, say how many days it's been since October 22 or even how many days it is until August 4th (that date being important because it is my anniversary.)  June 24th itself usually carries nothing special.  True, it is a date near the end of June.  My mom always said that summer break was over once it was July, despite the fact we didn't go back to school until around August 27th usually.  I guess it is sort of true... all of a sudden it's July, then suddenly it's September, and school is in session with 90 degree heat and the whir of those giant fans sitting in the big school windows.  I never understood what took air conditioning so long to catch on.

This June 24th was different for me, though.  This was the date of the match.

My guess is you aren't familiar with the match.  Most people aren't.  Not even 1st and 2nd year medical students really understand.  The match is a process where medical trainees are given spots for future training.  Medical students get residency spots.  Residents gets spots for fellowship.  I'm in the latter category.  I'll be a urologist in 364 days (ok, I'm counting that one).  But I don't want to be just a general urologist.  I want to be a pediatric urologist.  And that requires further training in America.  Two years.  Two years more on top of the five I've put in to be a urologist, on top of the four for medical school on top of the four for college.  It all is confusing, but basically, there are interviews, then the programs rank the applicants and the applicants rank the programs, and the computer figures it out.  I liked several of the programs and was told I was in the top few applicants by many programs.

I didn't match.

I managed to find a spot.  At the children's hospital in Columbus Ohio.  There were four unmatched spots, and at least four people looking for those spots.  I flew into Columbus on Sunday, flew out 28 hours later, and got the offer today, and took it.

I didn't want to be stuck without a spot.

I had called an institution from my home state several times last week asking about their potential spot.  They were applying to start a fellowship but had no done deal yet.  No matter, I got no real response except that they were still thinking over their options (this after they basically told me in April that they'd take me.  Should've gotten it in writing... HAVE I LEARNED NOTHING FROM JUDGE JUDY?!)

Then I got this fortune tonight:

And I got excited, and felt good.  But then driving home tonight, I couldn't help but feel like it was all a rush, rush, rush, without stopping and thinking.  And then I felt like that last part in the Graduate.

Bono, do you ever feel that way?


Sincerely,

JP

p.s. You'll have to let me know if there's anything great to do in Columbus.  Looks like you've been there more than I have. http://www.u2gigs.com/city-Columbus-Ohio.html

New Year's Day

Dear Bono:

Happy New Year!  Yes, I realize it is JULY 1st.  But it my world, July 1st is definitely New Year's Day.

Maybe I should introduce myself. I was born somewhere in the middle of America in the early 80s, went to college in a small town, then met a guy, fell in love after bonding over the fact we both were listining to the "Best of 1990-2000 B Sides" one fateful day in 2003, got married at a young age (people in my religion tend to do that), and the rest is history.  Well not really.  I never understood why movies all end when the people fall in love.  After all, that is when the story really gets interesting.  After marriage, we moved to Italy, where my husband studied international relations, and I watched a lot of MTV (did you realize that there is this Italian singer named Vasco Rossi who basically dresses and does his hair exactly like you?), and picked up running and got in the best shape in my life.  A year later, we moved back to America where I started medical school in a big East Coast city, saw your band on tour (you may remember me from grabbing your thigh at the Verizon Center Vertigo show.  No?  Hmmm.. well, I remember it), studied my brains out, and then decided to go into urology (you know, the surgeons for kidneys and man-bits.)

And after all that, you have now earned the right to learn why today is New Year's Day.  In the medical world in America, today is the day that all the medical trainees advance a year.  The students become interns, the interns become 2nd year residents, the chiefs go off to enjoy one last breather before having real responsibility, etc.  This is my 5th New Year's Day.  On my first one, I was on call.  I entered the hospital at 5:30 am with some Cheerios still not sure if they wanted to stay in my stomach or end up on the upholstery of my 2006 fleet Toyota Corolla.  33 hour later, I walked out of the hospital.  I had no sleep and the only thing I had to eat was a sip of a can of Ensure.  I was convinced I could not do my job.  But here I am.  Now 4 New Year's Days later, I keep going.  Day in, and day out.  I chalk it up to stubbornness.  After all, I think about quitting almost every day.  I just never get around to it.

Just make sure to not ever get sick in July.

Sincerely,

JP