Dear Bono,
Work is rough. I can't respect my boss because he is a total jerk. Hmm, not really jerk, as much as a 14 year old girl who likes to just gossip and be mean. I told one of my old bosses from my last hospital that the attendings here are like the "Mean Girls" but wear less pink.
So I'm looking at other jobs. Why torture myself for extra training, when I could just get a regular old job. There's one at this VA in Montana. I love the VA. Montana is nice. Also, this job has NO CALL. Like, ever. And no nights or weekends. I'd be a normal person again. But I guess you don't know what that's like?
JP
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Saturday, November 8, 2014
I blame Colin
Dear Bono,
Again, weeks and months even have gone by without a single note. I shall lame the bulk of the blame squarely on my job. Residency was tough-crazy patients, sick patients, long surgeries, long clinics smelling of urine. But in order to practice as a physician, it was something I had to do. And it wasn't even that bad-for the last six months. That is, once the annoying attending physician we had left, and once I got over my deep depression at the fact I hadn't matched into a fellowship spot.
Which makes it a bit ironic-the fact that now that I have a fellowship spot, I hate it and want to quit. Fellowship is something people do for extra training in a given field-mine is pediatric urology. I could be urologist without it, but in the U.S. one has to do a pediatric fellowship to be able to sit for the boards for pediatric urology. And I like the surgeries, and I like the patients. I hate my boss. He is horrible. I decided part of his issue is he doesn't think that women are full people. This makes it hard to get any respect from him. Luckily, I have the fellow a year ahead of me (there is only one of us a year) to comiserate with, as she is a woman, and she got screamed at by him in a very nice restaurant in Miami. She understands my pain.
And last night, I had a dream. Our program is putting together a conference next week for visiting faculty to learn about some other elements of pediatric urology. I dreamt that one of the other attending physicians was asking me a question during it, and my boss got mad at ME and then told me to do all kinds of other paperwork because I was whispering while these speakers were here. And when he told me this, I stood up, and told him I quit, and walked out. And I felt free. All this weight I have been feeling, this dread, this ulcer-inducing stress, was magically gone.
And then I continued to dream. I went to Washington DC where I was in the same political internship program I was 11 years ago during college. (The students seemed young-I am clearly not 20 anymore.) And we heard that David Bowie was coming to play an intimate acoustic set in Waldorf, MD. And I had front fow seats. And it was amazing. Although I was mouthing to him that I liked his shoes during it (they were pink/purple sparkly things) and he appeared afraid of me (not unlike how in my REAL life, Nicholas Cage looked like I was about to attack him when I had to get my stuff from a chair behind him during filming for a movie I was an extra in, but that is a different story for a different day.) Irregardless, it was a fantastic dream.
But that's all it was. I had fallen asleep with the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice on. Those Darcy eyes must have penetrated my soul and all my true hopes played out while I slumbered.
-JP
Again, weeks and months even have gone by without a single note. I shall lame the bulk of the blame squarely on my job. Residency was tough-crazy patients, sick patients, long surgeries, long clinics smelling of urine. But in order to practice as a physician, it was something I had to do. And it wasn't even that bad-for the last six months. That is, once the annoying attending physician we had left, and once I got over my deep depression at the fact I hadn't matched into a fellowship spot.
Which makes it a bit ironic-the fact that now that I have a fellowship spot, I hate it and want to quit. Fellowship is something people do for extra training in a given field-mine is pediatric urology. I could be urologist without it, but in the U.S. one has to do a pediatric fellowship to be able to sit for the boards for pediatric urology. And I like the surgeries, and I like the patients. I hate my boss. He is horrible. I decided part of his issue is he doesn't think that women are full people. This makes it hard to get any respect from him. Luckily, I have the fellow a year ahead of me (there is only one of us a year) to comiserate with, as she is a woman, and she got screamed at by him in a very nice restaurant in Miami. She understands my pain.
And last night, I had a dream. Our program is putting together a conference next week for visiting faculty to learn about some other elements of pediatric urology. I dreamt that one of the other attending physicians was asking me a question during it, and my boss got mad at ME and then told me to do all kinds of other paperwork because I was whispering while these speakers were here. And when he told me this, I stood up, and told him I quit, and walked out. And I felt free. All this weight I have been feeling, this dread, this ulcer-inducing stress, was magically gone.
And then I continued to dream. I went to Washington DC where I was in the same political internship program I was 11 years ago during college. (The students seemed young-I am clearly not 20 anymore.) And we heard that David Bowie was coming to play an intimate acoustic set in Waldorf, MD. And I had front fow seats. And it was amazing. Although I was mouthing to him that I liked his shoes during it (they were pink/purple sparkly things) and he appeared afraid of me (not unlike how in my REAL life, Nicholas Cage looked like I was about to attack him when I had to get my stuff from a chair behind him during filming for a movie I was an extra in, but that is a different story for a different day.) Irregardless, it was a fantastic dream.
But that's all it was. I had fallen asleep with the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice on. Those Darcy eyes must have penetrated my soul and all my true hopes played out while I slumbered.
-JP
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