Dear Bono,
How can I be so sad about someone I have never met? Well, not in real life anyway. I first met David Bowie as a young girl. I watched the Goblin King and sang and danced to the songs. I dreamt I was Sarah, twirling through the masquerade dream and able to look directly into his gaze. As a freshman in high school, the world of music beyond Disney films was just starting to open to me (I realize I was a bit old.) I went through the stacks of used music at Media Play and got my double CD "Best of Bowie" for $13. As I listened, I fell instantly in love with "Changes," taking on "And these children that you spit on as they try to change their world are immune to your consolations; they're quite aware what they're going through" as my mantra. As we prepared for college, I gazed haughtily at the popular kids in my high school who the line "I watched the ripples change their size but never leave the stream" as they stayed at home with their high school friends while I set out to change the world but studying to be a doctor in Africa. I continued to listen, his different lyrics spoke to me through my struggles and triumphs. I found friends through their love of David Bowie. A colleague with whom I felt distant from quickly became one of my closest allies after discussing the MCA "David Bowie Is" exhibit.
I almost went to Denver, to see his show back in college. My mom wouldn't let me go alone and my friend backed out due to finances and I knew sneaking out to a city 12 hours away wouldn't work.
I never saw him live. But I sat for hours in the video room at the MCA exhibit, listening to the music, his costumes near. To be so close to David Bowie, but yet so far.
"You're not alone...."
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
2015
Dear Bono,
You say nothing changes on New Year's Day. Maybe that's why I hate it. It is possibly my least favorite day of the year. Yes, I have some great memories of ringing in the New Year. Watching all the celebrations from around the world as people rang in the new millennium and then celebrating the new year at the Salt Lake Cemetery as part of a "self-appointed apocalyptic welcoming committee" was actually a highlight, as was cheering on the new year 11 years ago at the Eiffel Tower. Yet, I still hate it. Maybe because it marks the end of the magic that is Christmas. Probably is is more because of my own neurosis that cause me to panic about the vast new year ahead of me. I sort of hate clean slates because they can only get messed up from there.
2015 brought me some good times. Three of my favorite things happened this year: U2 tour! (Phoenix, Boston, Dublin trips!) Star Wars movie!!! (And it wasn't a disappointment!) And Sherlock! Except that actually won't start until Jan 1st. But I agree with Bridget Jones' philosophy about New Year's-it should start later because people are still in celebration/holiday mode. So, Sherlock will get tagged onto the end of 2015. Also, I went on a lot of trips. I love trips. Tampa beach, New Orleans, DC, Kentucky, Prague, Amelia Island for work. Pittsburgh, Phoenix, Boston, Dublin for concerts. Iceland, DC, Mammoth Caves, Kirtland, Chicago for fun.
But 2015 was also not great. It has brought me uncertainty about my future-my training comes to an end in June. Then what? I don't know. And that makes me dread 2016. And 2017, 2018, 2019.....
I am one of those people that says "things will be better when x has happened"
Goal for 2016: Be a person that says "things are great now"
But things will ACTUALLY be better when you go back on tour!
xoxo
J
Monday, August 10, 2015
CB and other random thoughts
Dear Bono,
Have you heard of Crystal Ballroom? Of course you have, you wrote the song. But it is also a U2 community (U2mmunity?) of people who get together to talk U2 via social media. This world is crazy how this stuff can bring people together. I did ask if anyone else thought that they would be a different person if not for U2, and people said yes, so I'm not alone in letting you dictate my life. Ha.
Is your song "Rise Up" supposed to be a Bruce Springsteen song or what?
What's the best way to look for a job? I am in the process of looking for my first non-training surgeon job, and even though I know that about 50% of pediatric urologists change jobs within the first 5 years, I keep thinking that whatever I do will be what I do for my whole career. Can I blame you for that too? I mean, why couldn't you be Vince Clarke and just bounce around?
xo,
JP
Have you heard of Crystal Ballroom? Of course you have, you wrote the song. But it is also a U2 community (U2mmunity?) of people who get together to talk U2 via social media. This world is crazy how this stuff can bring people together. I did ask if anyone else thought that they would be a different person if not for U2, and people said yes, so I'm not alone in letting you dictate my life. Ha.
Is your song "Rise Up" supposed to be a Bruce Springsteen song or what?
What's the best way to look for a job? I am in the process of looking for my first non-training surgeon job, and even though I know that about 50% of pediatric urologists change jobs within the first 5 years, I keep thinking that whatever I do will be what I do for my whole career. Can I blame you for that too? I mean, why couldn't you be Vince Clarke and just bounce around?
xo,
JP
Monday, July 13, 2015
Boston
Dear Bono,
I saw you in Boston. I drove 2 hours to get to Akron, OH to catch a direct flight to Boston on Friday, and despite the airline's best effort to make me miss beginning of the show, I made it with 10 minutes to spare. I was in one of those expensive seats, corner back from Adam. The energy was indescribable. It was one of the greatest shows I have been to. I cried during Iris. It has always been a powerful song, but for some reason on Friday I just felt all the feelings of the song. And when you sand "shine like stars...."
But Saturday was even better. I was on the front row on the rail on Adam's side. Did you notice me? You glanced at me. I went for that spot because Adam interacts with the crowd. I didn't go for the E stage. I dream of being pulled up on stage, but I know that I am not the beauty you look for.
But Bono, I want to tell you that when you talked about performing Bad at Live Aid 30 years ago, and you touched Lou Reed, and you learned about the world around you and started on your quest to alleviate some of the suffering, you were telling my story. I became a U2 fan at age 14. PopMart was the toughest ticket to get since you hadn't been to Utah for 14 years. Someone put a "2" next to the "U" on the mountain to welcome you. But my mom was overprotective. She did not want me to go to the big stadium to see you, though it was only 20 minutes from my house. The night of the show, my older sister and her friend somehow convinced my mom to let us drive to the stadium. I don't recall the make of my sister's friend's car, but her older brother had stolen that sticker from the airplane that said "use bottom seat for flotation" and that was on the back seat. The windows were down. We could hear the music. Tickets were long gone, but we parked and walked up. There were hundered of people sitting outside listening. Did you know that? I walked around the stadium and I could see Larry's hands beating the music out, but nothing else. Yet I could feel the magic.
I babysat so I could afford your albums. I hated babysitting. As I listened to the music, I read the liners, wondering what Greenpeace and Amnesty International were about, loving the music. I would go through phases where I would listen to songs on repeat. "Like a Song." "Angel of Harlem." "Running to Stand Still." "Ultraviolet." "Bad." Bono, I loved the music.
I went to college and spent hours and hours downloading music, listening to music, chatting with fellow U2 friends I met through Napster or through eBay when I tried to figure out the best way to get around Ireland with my most desirable Slane Castle night 1 ticket. Again, mom was overprotective and I couldn't go. The biggest regret of my life along with not driving to Denver by myself to see David Bowie after a friend backed out. But mom always had a gift of telling me know by making me feel like the worst daughter on the planet. It's hard to argue though, my older sister never disobeyed while I stayed out in high school until 2 am cruising the city pre-cell phone days while I knew my mom was sitting at home thinking I was dead.
But in college I realized my passion was for healing the world. I long pictured myself as a doctor, but in discussing my plans with my best friend growing up, this involved working for rich people. Now I pictured myself working in Africa, living in a yurt. And Bono, this was thanks to you. Did you know you had that effect on me? I signed every Amnesty petition. I got good grades and then went to medical school. I became a doctor, and then have spent the past 6 years of my life in training to be a pediatric urologist. But then I fulfilled the dream you instilled in me: I went to Africa. I healed children that otherwise would have been shunned. I saw African wells. I look forward until my next chance to go back. Bono, do you realize that your time at Live Aid shaped not only your life but mine?
I wanted to let you know.
xoxo
JP
I saw you in Boston. I drove 2 hours to get to Akron, OH to catch a direct flight to Boston on Friday, and despite the airline's best effort to make me miss beginning of the show, I made it with 10 minutes to spare. I was in one of those expensive seats, corner back from Adam. The energy was indescribable. It was one of the greatest shows I have been to. I cried during Iris. It has always been a powerful song, but for some reason on Friday I just felt all the feelings of the song. And when you sand "shine like stars...."
But Saturday was even better. I was on the front row on the rail on Adam's side. Did you notice me? You glanced at me. I went for that spot because Adam interacts with the crowd. I didn't go for the E stage. I dream of being pulled up on stage, but I know that I am not the beauty you look for.
But Bono, I want to tell you that when you talked about performing Bad at Live Aid 30 years ago, and you touched Lou Reed, and you learned about the world around you and started on your quest to alleviate some of the suffering, you were telling my story. I became a U2 fan at age 14. PopMart was the toughest ticket to get since you hadn't been to Utah for 14 years. Someone put a "2" next to the "U" on the mountain to welcome you. But my mom was overprotective. She did not want me to go to the big stadium to see you, though it was only 20 minutes from my house. The night of the show, my older sister and her friend somehow convinced my mom to let us drive to the stadium. I don't recall the make of my sister's friend's car, but her older brother had stolen that sticker from the airplane that said "use bottom seat for flotation" and that was on the back seat. The windows were down. We could hear the music. Tickets were long gone, but we parked and walked up. There were hundered of people sitting outside listening. Did you know that? I walked around the stadium and I could see Larry's hands beating the music out, but nothing else. Yet I could feel the magic.
I babysat so I could afford your albums. I hated babysitting. As I listened to the music, I read the liners, wondering what Greenpeace and Amnesty International were about, loving the music. I would go through phases where I would listen to songs on repeat. "Like a Song." "Angel of Harlem." "Running to Stand Still." "Ultraviolet." "Bad." Bono, I loved the music.
I went to college and spent hours and hours downloading music, listening to music, chatting with fellow U2 friends I met through Napster or through eBay when I tried to figure out the best way to get around Ireland with my most desirable Slane Castle night 1 ticket. Again, mom was overprotective and I couldn't go. The biggest regret of my life along with not driving to Denver by myself to see David Bowie after a friend backed out. But mom always had a gift of telling me know by making me feel like the worst daughter on the planet. It's hard to argue though, my older sister never disobeyed while I stayed out in high school until 2 am cruising the city pre-cell phone days while I knew my mom was sitting at home thinking I was dead.
But in college I realized my passion was for healing the world. I long pictured myself as a doctor, but in discussing my plans with my best friend growing up, this involved working for rich people. Now I pictured myself working in Africa, living in a yurt. And Bono, this was thanks to you. Did you know you had that effect on me? I signed every Amnesty petition. I got good grades and then went to medical school. I became a doctor, and then have spent the past 6 years of my life in training to be a pediatric urologist. But then I fulfilled the dream you instilled in me: I went to Africa. I healed children that otherwise would have been shunned. I saw African wells. I look forward until my next chance to go back. Bono, do you realize that your time at Live Aid shaped not only your life but mine?
I wanted to let you know.
xoxo
JP
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Nothing Changes on New Year's Day
Dear Bono,
I hear you played "Gloria" a few nights ago. I wish I was there. I had big plans to get some tickets in the late drop but then realized that I am 6 hours from Chicago and had to work at 6am the next day and it just wouldn't work out. Please play it for me next week?
Bono, it is New Year's Day. Happy New Year! July 1st. The day all the hospital changes over. The new trainees start and the old trainees move up the ranks. Truly, a terrifying day to be sick. And to be a new trainee.
I remember my first day. July 1st, 2009. I was started on vascular surgery. I walked into the hospital at 5am, knowing that I was on call that night, covering vascular, cardiac, and thoracic surgery patients, in other words, really really sick patients. Like 90 of them. I did my work as best I could during the day-asking the vascular surgery fellow for help and mostly getting either no help or not useful information. It was my first day! What do I do when a patient goes into a fib with RVR? What does that even mean?? I didn't eat that day. Or that night. I finally ate the next day, at a conference, where our nutritionists brought samples of Ensure so we could taste the filth we were making our patients drink. It was nectar of the Gods to me. And then I had to do all sorts of work and discharge people and I remember 3:30pm that day; after working 34.5 hours thinking I could not do it.
Somehow I did.
Yesterday, I finished my clinical fellow year. 6 years of training in, this year is supposed to be about me and research and my interests. Today, though, was basically the same as yesterday.
Maybe next week I can write and research?
xoxo
JP
I hear you played "Gloria" a few nights ago. I wish I was there. I had big plans to get some tickets in the late drop but then realized that I am 6 hours from Chicago and had to work at 6am the next day and it just wouldn't work out. Please play it for me next week?
Bono, it is New Year's Day. Happy New Year! July 1st. The day all the hospital changes over. The new trainees start and the old trainees move up the ranks. Truly, a terrifying day to be sick. And to be a new trainee.
I remember my first day. July 1st, 2009. I was started on vascular surgery. I walked into the hospital at 5am, knowing that I was on call that night, covering vascular, cardiac, and thoracic surgery patients, in other words, really really sick patients. Like 90 of them. I did my work as best I could during the day-asking the vascular surgery fellow for help and mostly getting either no help or not useful information. It was my first day! What do I do when a patient goes into a fib with RVR? What does that even mean?? I didn't eat that day. Or that night. I finally ate the next day, at a conference, where our nutritionists brought samples of Ensure so we could taste the filth we were making our patients drink. It was nectar of the Gods to me. And then I had to do all sorts of work and discharge people and I remember 3:30pm that day; after working 34.5 hours thinking I could not do it.
Somehow I did.
Yesterday, I finished my clinical fellow year. 6 years of training in, this year is supposed to be about me and research and my interests. Today, though, was basically the same as yesterday.
Maybe next week I can write and research?
xoxo
JP
Monday, May 25, 2015
Catwalk
Dear Bono,
I saw your shows in Arizona this weekend. I got Edge's signature on my tour program thanks to my husband's freakishly long arms, but didn't manage to get yours. I saw you, though. You were on stage, probably less than 10 feet away from me. I was there, on stage right, on the rail, a third of the way down the catwalk. Do you remember me? I wanted to talk to you, to tell you my plans for surgical care in the Third World. You were busy performing.
I was in the high seats the next day. You wouldn't have seen me. I dreamed that night that you picked me out of the crowd for your show, and I walked the catwalk from the e to the i stage, and it was the same as the bridge between University of Maryland hospital and the Baltimore VA bridge.
I need more tickets.
xoxo
jp
I saw your shows in Arizona this weekend. I got Edge's signature on my tour program thanks to my husband's freakishly long arms, but didn't manage to get yours. I saw you, though. You were on stage, probably less than 10 feet away from me. I was there, on stage right, on the rail, a third of the way down the catwalk. Do you remember me? I wanted to talk to you, to tell you my plans for surgical care in the Third World. You were busy performing.
I was in the high seats the next day. You wouldn't have seen me. I dreamed that night that you picked me out of the crowd for your show, and I walked the catwalk from the e to the i stage, and it was the same as the bridge between University of Maryland hospital and the Baltimore VA bridge.
I need more tickets.
xoxo
jp
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Happy Birthday
Dear Bono,
Today is your birthday. Happy Birthday! I wonder how you celebrate birthdays. I have found that as I have reached adulthood, birthdays excite me less each year. I think my peak was age 7, when I got my Barbie with the swimming suit and crimped hair and a Barbie sized swimming pool. I remember taking it out back and filling some water in that pool and putting my Barbie in it, while my mom made sure to warn me not to get her hair wet because it would ruin her hair. I took really good care of my toys, since we didn't have much money and I knew each toy would have to last a long time. Now my Barbies are all in a little suitcase. My sister opened up her Barbie suitcase for her daughter to play with over Thanksgiving. It was a jumble of plastic legs and torsos, yet looking at each Barbie brought back such memories!
Now that I am grown and have more money, each little thing I have is just that-one more little thing. This year, I want memories for my birthday, not things.
xoxo
JP
Today is your birthday. Happy Birthday! I wonder how you celebrate birthdays. I have found that as I have reached adulthood, birthdays excite me less each year. I think my peak was age 7, when I got my Barbie with the swimming suit and crimped hair and a Barbie sized swimming pool. I remember taking it out back and filling some water in that pool and putting my Barbie in it, while my mom made sure to warn me not to get her hair wet because it would ruin her hair. I took really good care of my toys, since we didn't have much money and I knew each toy would have to last a long time. Now my Barbies are all in a little suitcase. My sister opened up her Barbie suitcase for her daughter to play with over Thanksgiving. It was a jumble of plastic legs and torsos, yet looking at each Barbie brought back such memories!
Now that I am grown and have more money, each little thing I have is just that-one more little thing. This year, I want memories for my birthday, not things.
xoxo
JP
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